We have all received that notification.
It pops up at 4:45 PM on a Tuesday. The subject line looks innocent enough, but the content is dripping with plausible deniability. Phrases like “As per my last email,” “Just checking in,” or the dreaded “Not sure if you saw this” jump off the screen.
Technically, they are professional sentences. Emotionally, they are a slap in the face.
This is Email Aggression—the modern workplace’s favorite weapon. It is frustrating because it is a trap: if you respond with anger, you look unprofessional. If you don’t respond, you feel walked all over.
Here is how to stop taking the bait, decode what is actually happening, and use the LOWER method to respond like a pro.
The Passive-Aggressive Translator
Before we fix your reaction, let’s explore their intent. Passive aggression usually stems from a lack of power or a fear of direct conflict. When a colleague uses email aggression, they are often trying to regain control without exposing themselves to a real fight.
Here is what they say, and what they actually mean:
• They write: “As per my last email…”
• They mean: “I am frustrated that you didn’t read what I wrote, and I want to point out your mistake publicly.”
• They write: “Putting [Boss’s Name] in CC for visibility.”
• They mean: “I don’t trust you to do this, so I’m tattling on you to force your hand.”
• They write: “Thanks in advance.”
• They mean: “I am assuming you will do this, and by thanking you now, I am removing your ability to say no.”
The “Trap” (And How We Fall Into It)
When you read these phrases, your body reacts before your brain does. Your heart rate spikes. Your face gets hot. You start typing a reply that begins with, “Actually, if you had checked the attachment…”
This is where most professionals lose the battle. You are reacting to the tone, not the task.
This is where we apply the LOWER method, but not as a rigid checklist. Think of it as your internal shield.
1. The “Circuit Breaker” (Label & Own)
The moment you read the email and feel that spike of heat, say it out loud: “I am feeling attacked.”
This is the Label and Own phase. You aren’t admitting they are right; you are admitting you are triggered. By owning the emotion (“I am angry”), you separate the feeling from the email. The email is just pixels on a screen; the anger is yours.
2. The Strategic Pause (Wait)
Research highlights that the Wait step is the biggest differentiator between the LOWER method and standard stress advice. Most people rush to resolve.
Do not hit reply.
If the email made your pulse jump, you are legally forbidden (by the laws of common sense) from replying for at least 10 minutes. Go get water. Walk a lap. Let the cortisol flush out. A reply sent in the heat of the moment is a gift to your aggressor—it proves they got under your skin.
3. The Investigation (Explore)
Now that you are calm, look at the email again. Explore the context.
• Is this colleague under pressure from their own boss?
• Are they insecure about their project timeline?
• Is this actually about me, or are they just spiraling?
Often, you’ll find the aggression has nothing to do with you. They are panicked, and they are lashing out. When you see their email as a symptom of their stress rather than an attack on your competence, it loses its power.
The Resolution: Scripts You Can Copy
Finally, we Resolve. The goal here is to answer the business need while completely ignoring the emotional bait. When you strip away the drama and reply only to the facts, you mirror professionalism back at them. It is the ultimate power move.
Scenario A: The “As Per My Last Email”
• Don’t say: “I saw your email, I’ve just been busy.”
• Do say: “Thanks for bumping this. I’m reviewing the document now and will have an update for you by EOD.”
• Why it works: You ignored the sass. You gave a clear timeline. You won.
Scenario B: The “CC the Boss” Power Play
• Don’t say: “Reply All: There is no need to involve Karen in this.”
• Do say: “Hi [Colleague], thanks for looping [Boss] in. [Boss], to catch you up, we are currently on track for Friday’s launch. No action needed from you at this stage.”
• Why it works: You acknowledged the boss, summarized the status confidently, and subtly dismissed the need for the boss’s intervention.
Summary
Email aggression is designed to make you lose your cool. By using LOWER—specifically the Wait and Explore steps—you turn a potential conflict into a demonstration of your own leadership skills.
Next time that notification pops up, smile. You know exactly how to decode it.
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