If you just snapped at work, you’re probably feeling a swirl of embarrassment, regret, and defensiveness. That cocktail is normal – and it’s also a signal. Anger is the body’s alarm system for blocked goals, threatened values, or frayed boundaries. In high-pressure workplaces, alarms can get loud fast. When the alarm blares, your amygdala surges and your prefrontal cortex – the part that helps you choose measured responses – goes a bit offline, which is why you may say or do things you later regret. Understanding that physiology isn’t an excuse – it’s a roadmap for what to do next so you can repair trust, protect your reputation, and turn the moment into growth.
Below is a practical, humane plan using the LOWER method – a five-step framework we use across That’s Frustrating to turn intense feelings into wise action. It’s simple enough to use today, and robust enough to help you prevent the next outburst.
The LOWER method for post-outburst repair
L – Label the moment
Start by naming exactly what happened and why it stung.
Use this out-loud or written sentence stem: “that’s frustrating when…”
- “That’s frustrating when a deadline shifts and I’ve already reworked the deck twice.”
- “That’s frustrating when my input is dismissed after I’ve prepared for days.”
Labeling doesn’t justify the outburst – it clarifies the trigger so you can address root causes rather than only symptoms. When you name the moment without blame, your mind moves from heat to information. This is consistent with emotional science and with how we teach LOWER across work, family, and money contexts.
O – Own your feeling and your impact
Transition from the situation to your responsibility with: “I feel frustrated when…”
- “I feel frustrated when the priorities change last minute, and I reacted poorly just now.”
- “I feel frustrated when decisions happen without context, and I took that out on you.”
Owning has two layers: you own the emotion and you own the outcome. People trust colleagues who take responsibility without hedging. The research on effective apologies underscores this – minimizing or explaining away behavior makes apologies land as insincere and can erode trust further. Keep it clear, specific, and free of excuses.
W – Wait before responding further
Your nervous system needs a brief cool-down. Take a short walk, step outside, or use a simple breath pattern – for example, inhale for 4 counts and exhale for 6 – to help your body de-escalate. Even a few minutes of waiting lowers the chance you’ll double down or defend. Mental health guidance consistently recommends time-limited pauses to prevent escalation and regain self-regulation.
E – Explore your best next moves
After you’ve cooled off, choose constructive actions. Start with these four:
- Apologize to those affected
Offer a genuine, professional apology that accepts responsibility, names the impact, and proposes a next step – without over-explaining. Example:
“I’m sorry for how I spoke in the standup. I interrupted and raised my voice. That wasn’t respectful. I’m going to summarize my concerns in writing and schedule 15 minutes to align – would that work?”
Guides on professional apologies emphasize clarity, responsibility, and a path forward – and they apply just as well to in-person or remote teams. - Repair with specifics
Ask, “Is there anything I can clarify or correct from what I said?” If your outburst disrupted a meeting, volunteer to follow up with notes or next steps. This converts remorse into reliability – which is what colleagues remember. - Diagnose the trigger and the pattern
Were your autonomy, expertise, or values threatened? Did you feel dismissed or blindsided? Naming the deeper trigger helps you plan guardrails – like requesting decision context in advance or agreeing on escalation rules for hot topics. Understanding common workplace anger triggers will help you prevent repeat episodes. - Install a personal cooldown protocol
Choose 2-3 moves you’ll practice when you feel the surge: step away for five minutes, write a draft message you won’t send, or use a short grounding routine. Anger-management playbooks consistently recommend trigger awareness, brief removal from the stressor, and concrete calming strategies.
R – Resolve with a forward plan
Resolution is about agreements and systems.
- With the person or team: confirm what will change – decision timelines, feedback channels, or meeting structure.
- With yourself: set a practice – micro-pauses before speaking, a “cool-off” Slack status, or a phrase you’ll default to when heat rises: “I need 10 minutes to think – can we pick this up at 2:30?”
- With your manager: if the outburst affected delivery or culture, proactively share how you’re addressing it and what you’ll do differently next time.
If anger spikes are frequent or intense, consider structured support. Anger-management therapy can strengthen your communication, problem-solving, and self-regulation skills – a career asset, not a punishment.
Step-by-step playbook: what to do in the first 24 hours
Within the first hour
- Pause and regulate – take a brief walk or practice controlled breathing.
- Write your Label and Own statements to get language ready, not reactive.
Before the end of the day
- Deliver a concise apology to impacted colleagues.
- If a meeting was derailed, send a short follow-up: what you heard, what you’re proposing, and a time to re-sync. Clarity plus responsibility restores psychological safety faster than ruminating in silence.
Within 24 hours
- Meet 1:1 with anyone directly affected. Ask how your behavior affected them and what they’d need to feel safe and respected going forward.
- Document your trigger analysis and prevention plan – then share the relevant parts with your manager.
Scripts you can use
Apology to a peer
“Earlier, I cut you off and raised my voice. I’m sorry – that wasn’t respectful. I value your perspective and want to make space for it. Can we take 10 minutes this afternoon to align on the approach?”
Apology to a direct report
“I spoke sharply in our standup. That wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry. I appreciate your work on the API changes. Next time I’ll step away for a few minutes if I feel heated. If you’re open, I’d like to hear how that moment landed for you.”
Boundary for next time
“This topic is important and I want to get it right. I’m feeling heated – let’s pause for 10 minutes and come back with proposals.”
Common mistakes to avoid after an outburst
- Over-explaining or blaming context – explanations can sound like excuses. Keep apologies crisp and responsibility-centered.
- Silent avoidance – colleagues then fill the gap with assumptions. Address it directly and promptly.
- Punishing yourself – self-criticism can trigger more reactivity. Redirect energy into concrete repair and prevention. Evidence-based strategies favor skill-building over shame.
Related reading from That’s Frustrating
- Feeling overlooked or dismissed often fuels anger. Our guide “Feeling Undervalued? Effortlessly Reduce Work Frustration” offers practical recognition and communication strategies you can use right away.
- If your outburst came from deeper career stagnation, “Feeling Stuck at Work? 5 Powerful Steps to Deal with Career Frustration” maps a path from naming the issue to taking aligned action.
Both articles follow the LOWER framework so your playbook is consistent across situations.
Evidence-backed resources to go deeper
- How anger works and why it hijacks judgment – understanding the brain’s role in anger helps you choose better timing and tactics.
- Calming and regulation strategies – foundational anger management guidance you can practice daily.
- Professional apology essentials – a modern, practical guide to apologizing at work in person or remotely.
FAQs
Is it ever better not to apologize?
If the outburst clearly affected others or derailed work, apologize. If you’re unsure, ask a trusted peer. Apologies that accept responsibility and name impact – without lengthy justifications – tend to restore trust.
What if my manager is still upset the next day?
Acknowledge their frustration, restate your responsibility, and share the prevention plan you’re implementing – for example, a personal cool-down protocol and a request to set decision-making norms. Then ask, “What else would rebuild confidence?” Guidance on managing anger at work highlights taking a brief break, then returning with concrete actions – which managers respect.
How do I keep this from happening again?
Track your top triggers – meetings without context, last-minute changes, public challenges to your expertise – and set guardrails: request agendas in advance, propose a decision protocol, or agree to quick cooling pauses when discussions run hot. If outbursts are frequent, consider short-term counseling or an anger-management course to strengthen self-regulation and communication.
What if my outburst was in writing, like Slack or email?
Apologize on the same channel where the impact happened – then move to a brief 1:1 conversation if needed. Keep it short, specific, and responsible, and follow with a corrective action or next step.
Closing: turn the worst moment into your best move
An angry outburst can feel career-ending in the moment. It isn’t. What defines you is not the surge – it’s the skillful recovery. Label the moment – own your impact – wait to re-center – explore repairs and prevention – resolve with systems and agreements. That’s the path from regret to respect.
When you practice LOWER consistently, you don’t just avoid future explosions – you build credibility as someone who navigates hard moments with clarity and care. And that’s the kind of professional people trust with bigger problems, harder projects, and more meaningful work.
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